I've been eating alot of flour (bread) these 2 days. Wow, so amusing right?
I've the sudden strong urge to go back to SDT to learn ballet. It was donkey years ago since i really learnt ballet man. Oh well.

I was told to rest at home this weekend and not go to church. So i skipped dare today and am gna skip sunday svc tmr. So don't be surprised or wonder why i didn't turn up at church yup.
Since so much has happened, i should just park my car at one corner and take a drink. I shouldn't let those oncoming cars to keep driving towards my direction. My ugly situations may not be countless but they really seem microscopic, nobody seem to really be able to see what i'm going through. Perhaps it's just me. I just don't tell other people how i'm feeling everytime and my problematic matters. I can really love my friends but sometimes i just cannot stand them. I just don't find peace in telling them my problems and my emotions, that feeling is really a pain in the axx. Screwed.

These days i really cannot control myself. What i do. What i think. My intentions. My emotions. My feelings.
And then i start to reveal my ugly truth. I feel like i'm stuck in between everybody's expectations, comments, contradictions, corrections, judgements and stories. They are shooting at me and i cannot escape! I feel very lost and tired, i just dont know how to run away from all these anymore. And worst of all, i feel that i'm drifting further and further away from church.

Just like mid week, i went but i cannot get into the mood of worshipping the Father. And i keep getting angry over the smallest thing possible at my best and closest friends. Why do my close and good friends always tio by my moodswing. Wl, i really dont wanna treat them this way luh. And when they are trying their best to help me feel better and happier, i turn them down all the time. I feel so damn bastard. But i just cannot wear off all these hindering problems that keep on coming against me.

In addition, my eoy and streaming exams are very very near. I'm bombarded w so many common tests this coming week and i've to keep focus and start studying. I'm beginning to neglect my studies! I really need Him to salvage me and keep me under the shadow of His safe and secure Wings man. I really need Him to guide me what to do next that is right. I really really need God so badly.

Why is everybody going against me and shooting more and more arrows at me at this point of time! I'm tired of life. I wanna give up already but it's not possible. I'll ruin everything in a blink of an eye within my own hands.
God, change me please. Change and turn every (temporial) ugly situation for my good please. I really cannot take the wheel on my own anymore.